t-minus... oh. zero.

so most of you who are reading this are probably wondering why i want to go to spain in the first place. and the origin of my discovery of the country is probably a bit weird, but then again, most of the things that i have come to love have been found really randomly. (for example, oscar wilde is one of my heroes and role models. i discovered oscar wilde because i watched the film wilde in which orlando bloom played a bit part because i was in love with him after he played legolas in lord of the rings!)

long story short, i first became interested in spain a couple of years ago because i got super (suuuuper) into tennis, specifically rafael nadal. and it's pretty hilarious because i have never been a sports person AT ALL. i was always too ~artsy for that. but through rafa i discovered football (soccer), and i started watching his favorite team real madrid who are (obviously) from the city of madrid, spain, the country rafa is from. football has changed my life. it's pretty funny when i actually think about it. it's become a sort of religion for me, along with countless other fans over many years. there is a fervency that football fans have for their clubs, a sense of importance and reverence and optimism that i've adopted since watching it that really have changed the way i look at the whole world.

real madrid are important to me. so, so important to me. that club is like my family. i love each and every player, i have to know what they're doing everyday, and i know way too much about their history, players, etcetc. all of this serves as a warning, by the way, of how much you're going to be hearing about real madrid. hahaha.

but through the club, i've become familiar with spanish culture and i've learned so much about spain over the last couple of years. i've fallen in love with its people, with its culture, its history, its music. and i've actually been thinking about moving to spain, but just picking up and moving is a scary thought, even for someone who fancies themselves a little bit of a free spirit like i do (a worrywart, but a free spirit nonetheless). so when a police officer rear-ended me two days before my birthday this past january, my life changed.

here i was with more money readily in front of me than i've ever had before. and let me preface with saying that i'm not very materialistic at all. i never have been. i grew up very modestly (a kind word for some of those years), and instead of being handed anything because i'm expected to have it (new clothes, a car on my 16th, prom dresses, college fund), i had to work for it. it's an old story that's been told a million times before and by people much more well-versed than me, but it's the truth. i could take or leave most every possession in my life. so when i was just handed several thousand dollars, i know i was expected to just put a huge (to me) chunk of change down on a car and drive off the lot in a shiny new car with this and that gadget and i live happily ever after. but i don't really care about new things? (i used to be told that i would grow out of that way of thinking, that i would come to appreciate the "finer" things in life and this has yet to happen. i really just think this is who i am.) i will have cars my entire life. all of them will have a story, will have problems, will be temporary. and expensive.

spain, however, is priceless. its importance to me is priceless. my dream about going is priceless. yes, it's costing me a few thousand dollars to get this all done, but at the end of the day, money is just money is just money. experiences, especially ones that are so dear to you, will never have a monetary value. i will never regret this decision. but i would have regretted not going for the rest of my life. yeah, i'll come back and get a car. it probably won't be new. it probably won't be perfect. but i don't mind. i'm happy with my compromise and with my decision.

and so i am going to spain. i'm staying in madrid for a month, studying spanish for 25 hours a week. i'm going to a real madrid game this sunday at the stadium that is like a mecca to me. i'm going to sevilla for a week after it's all over to just breathe and have a true vacation for maybe the first time ever. i'm going to go and experience as completely as i can, to savor that beautiful country, to be a bit of a wallflower sometimes and just observe. and i will try to update this blog pretty often! i'm not sure about my internet access while i'm there, but i will try :) and just another warning! i ramble quite a lot, as you've probably noticed. i'm a writer by trade and i can't help it! feel free to skim when it comes down to it and just look at pretty pictures. ;)

okay, i have to go through my final final list and make sure that i'm all packed up. if i can get onto the plane from dc, i will actually maybe not be stressed out for awhile! (pft. we'll see.)

adiós y voy a extrañar a todos<3